WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
