I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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