Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
