I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
