just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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