I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
