So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
