You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
