I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Randomize
