Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
