My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
