come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
