Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
