hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
