Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
