dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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