my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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