just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
