Quick, to the slutcave!
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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