My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
