I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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