the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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