The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize