glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Dear god my vagina.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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