okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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