From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
