She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He felt like a one man threesome
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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