I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
