he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
