He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
