Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
