Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Randomize
