I wish my penis had an off switch
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
