Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
its liver damage thursday
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
