Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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