I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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