You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
