just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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