Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
