hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
