last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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