drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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