I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
