morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
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