I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
