I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
