peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
