I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
My bed smells like the plague
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
