Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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