that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
