I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
