I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
