WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
