my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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