HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
